Too often I hear people doubt themselves. In fact my clientele alone, at least 90 percent of them have expressed that belief, "I'm not good enough".
The worst part about this belief is that this statement is so deeply rooted to core issues that it affects our lives in more ways than we can imagine. Usually, created by experiences or trauma's in our life that we have not dealt with. Thus, our subconscious internalizes and we begin to believe the worst about ourselves.
This belief and others that we have are often created from a child's perspective. Your inner child. Although, with logic we can argue this belief, tell ourselves otherwise. Yet, we base our lives decisions from this belief. We hold ourselves back from opportunities. We do not take chances. We push people away. Sound like you at all?
If you listen close enough you will hear that inner voice screaming. Being critical of your every move. Doubting every decision. Although, we tell ourselves that we do not listen to that negative voice inside of us, yet we continuously choose (subconsciously) toxic people to stay in our lives. We choose to let these unhealthy people in, because deep down we feel as if we deserve to be mistreated, yelled at, criticized and shamed. We do not deserve better.
This can come from a lot of things: neglectful parents, addicted parents, lack of stability, not getting enough love or attention as a child and the obvious being abuse. It can also come from those households that there seemed to be no trauma. Those households where the parents had high expectations, those that always wanted more from you. However, that little child interpreted these situations and experiences is how this belief was made.
Sad to think of yourself in this way, right? So, how do you change it?
Well, to start... you have to admit that it is there. You have to vocalize this and the other negative beliefs you have been avoiding for far too long.
Write them down.
Then you need to deal with the experiences, the family dynamic, the trauma, the abuse, the memories, or the thing(s) that this belief originated from. You may need help with identifying this origination. Hence, where going to therapy might be a good starting place.
[PsychologyToday, is a great resource for you to help look for a therapist. You can search by trauma approach, style, gender and insurances that are covered.]
You need to replace that negative belief with a positive one. You have desensitize and work through your past in order to allow the new, positive belief to shine through.
In trauma work we focus on: EMDR therapy, Hypnotherapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to process and work through the past memories.
Other approaches such as: Mindfulness, Gratitude, or Positive Affirmations can help you replace the beliefs.
Bottom line is that there is no magical cure for this. You have to do the work! There is no flip of the switch approach that you can turn on and make tomorrow different. It is a process and it take effort, but you are able to change these things if you are ready.
I am here to tell you that YOU DO DESERVE MORE. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!!! Stop doubting and take a chance. Prove to yourself that you are capable of so much more than what you give yourself credit for. You are frustrated with your life? Well, you have to do something different. Because, what you have been doing is not working. It is creating that same negative, cycle of life for you to remain stuck in.